Wellbeing Isn’t Comfort, It’s Capacity

Psychologist Susan David, in her now-famous TED Talk on emotional agility, speaks about “the lie we’ve been sold — that discomfort is a sign of failure.” She offers a powerful alternative:
“Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life.”
It’s such a liberating truth because it reminds us that the goal of wellbeing is not to remove discomfort, but to develop the capacity to live meaningfully through it.
Wellbeing isn’t about creating a life free of challenge. It’s about strengthening the inner container that allows us to stay centred when life doesn’t go according to plan, to hold steady in the midst of change, and to keep showing up with presence, even when the pace is relentless.
So often, we wait for circumstances to change before we prioritise wellbeing. We tell ourselves: “Once this project ends… once the kids are settled… once the holidays begin.”
But wellbeing doesn’t wait for conditions to be right; it’s what helps us navigate them.
Building capacity starts small, with noticing. Noticing when your breath has shortened, when your focus is fading, or when kindness feels harder to access.
These are not signs of failure; they’re invitations. Signals that your container needs care, not criticism.
The expanding edge
Think of that container, the one that holds your time, energy, and emotional presence.
It can stretch, but only so far before it needs reinforcement.
When we neglect rest, reflection, or connection, that container weakens.
When we nurture them, it expands.
Capacity grows through simple, deliberate choices:
- Saying no when we’ve reached our limit.
- Asking “What matters most right now?” instead of “How can I do it all?”
- Protecting the moments that bring perspective: a walk, a pause, a prayer, a laugh.
Every act of renewal adds strength to the container that holds our lives.
Capacity at work and at home
In the workplace, capacity is what enables sustainable performance. It’s what allows leaders to stay calm amidst complexity, teams to collaborate without burning out, and individuals to deliver consistently without losing their sense of purpose.
At home, capacity looks like having the emotional space to listen with patience, to laugh when plans change, or to admit when we need rest.
It’s the unseen thread that connects our professional resilience with our personal wellbeing, one feeding the other.
Beyond balance
We often speak about balance as the goal: the perfect alignment between work, family, rest, and play. But life rarely cooperates that neatly.
Instead of balance, wellbeing asks for rhythm. There will be seasons of stretch and seasons of recovery, times when we can give more and times when we must rest more.
The real skill lies not in achieving balance, but in recognising when to shift, to rebalance, re-prioritise, and refill.
That’s what true capacity gives us: the ability to move with life, rather than against it.
A reflection for this season
As we move through the final stretch of the year, the lists will keep growing, the pace may not slow, and the expectations won’t always shrink.
But our wellbeing is not found in clearing the lists, it’s found in how we hold them.
Perhaps discomfort isn’t something to resist this season, but something to lean into with curiosity, a quiet reminder that we are already living meaningfully, right here, amidst the stretch.
What might it look like for you to expand your capacity? Not by doing more, but by caring for the space within which everything else happens?
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