Empowerment Through Presence: Lessons from Parenting for Leadership
As parents, we often want to protect our children from mistakes, smooth the path ahead, and sometimes even take the reins. Leaders do the same. The instinct is natural: we want to help, to speed things up, to deliver the best outcomes. But one of the most powerful shifts we can make, both at home and at work, is learning to move from directing to walking alongside.
When advice isn’t what’s needed
I remember a conversation with my daughter before an important decision. My natural instinct was to give her the benefit of my experience: to share what I thought she should do, how she should approach it, even what outcome I believed would be best. Yet something held me back. Instead, I asked her: “What feels tricky about this decision for you?”
In leadership, the same dynamic plays out. When a team member faces a big decision or a moment of doubt, our instinct is to step in with solutions. Yet what they might value most is a leader who creates room for them to process, to explore, and to trust their own thinking.
How presence changes conversations
The temptation to jump in with answers is strong. It feels efficient. It feels like leadership. But quick answers can unintentionally create pressure, signalling that our way is the right way, and that others’ perspectives matter less.
Presence in leadership doesn’t mean stepping back or disengaging. It means showing up differently. Instead of offering strategies and solutions first, we bring listening, curiosity, and encouragement.
We ask questions like:
- “What feels tricky about this decision for you?”
- “Would you like me to just listen today, or would brainstorming together be helpful?”
These small shifts change the dynamic. They move the conversation from dependency to ownership, from pressure to empowerment.
Why presence builds stronger people
When leaders operate from presence, they communicate something powerful: “I trust you.”
That trust builds confidence. It signals that the individual is capable, resourceful, and able to arrive at their own best answers. Over time, it plants the seeds of self-trust that grow into resilience and independence.
Think about the people who have empowered you most in your own journey. Chances are, they weren’t the ones who always gave you answers. They were the ones who asked you thoughtful questions, listened deeply, and stood beside you as you worked things through.
The ripple effect
What starts in one conversation doesn’t stay there. Leaders who show up with presence create cultures of trust. Teams begin to share more openly, take greater ownership of their work, and support each other in the same way they’ve been supported.
It’s a ripple effect, one that transforms not just individuals, but the whole organisation.
A reflection for leaders
This shift, from pressure to presence, is deceptively simple yet profoundly transformative. It turns what might have been a pressure point into an opportunity for growth, resilience, and self-discovery.
Whether in parenting, coaching, or leadership, the principle is the same: empowerment doesn’t come from giving answers, but from creating the conditions for others to find their own.
I invite you to pause and reflect:
- Where are you operating from pressure, and where are you showing up with presence?
- What might change if you leaned more into presence?
The Quiet Voice That Shapes Your Potential
So what exactly is a mindset?
At its simplest, mindset is the collection of beliefs we hold about ourselves, our intelligence, our abilities, our worth, and our capacity to change. It shapes how we interpret experiences, how we respond to setbacks, and how we show up in the world.
And because mindset frames our story, it also influences how that story unfolds.
When we look at growth and development through this lens, we land where Carol Dweck’s research leads us: at the intersection of two powerful perspectives, a Fixed Mindset and a Growth Mindset.
A Growth Mindset, on the other hand, sounds like: “I can’t do this… yet,” “Challenges help me grow,” and “My abilities come from effort and learning.” Its inner dialogue is one of curiosity, resilience, and possibility.
This subtle shift: from I can’t to I can’t yet, opens the door to learning. It reminds us that we are not stuck; we are in progress.
Carol Dweck, the researcher behind the Growth Mindset model, made an even more startling observation: when we praise intelligence, we actually make people more vulnerable. Why? Because they begin to associate their worth with being seen as “smart”, which often leads to fear of failure, risk aversion, and fragile confidence.
Instead, she encourages us to praise the qualities that support resilience and growth, things like curiosity, perseverance, diligence, and determination. These are the traits that anchor us when things get hard. They’re what keep us becoming.
This difference isn’t just theoretical. It’s deeply personal and profoundly practical.
How we define success, and how we interpret failure, determines whether we step forward or shrink back. Whether we view challenges as threats or invitations. Whether we give up or grow through it.
Mindset matters not because it gives us all the answers, but because it gives us the courage to stay curious, the freedom to try again, and the belief that becoming is possible.
A Growth Mindset doesn’t mean you feel confident all the time. It means you’re willing to try, even when you don’t. It asks us to feel the fear and move forward anyway. To risk failure and believe that even in falling short, something in us is growing.
“Fear and self-doubt have always been the greatest enemies of human potential.”
— Brian Tracy
When we view success as a final destination, failure becomes a dead end. But when we view success as a process of becoming, failure becomes a teacher — an essential part of the journey.
“Continuous effort, not strength or intelligence, is the key to unlocking our potential.”
— Winston Churchill
A Growth Mindset invites us to stretch. To persevere. To keep going, especially when things aren’t going well. It reminds us that talent and intelligence are just the starting points. Without grit and effort, potential stays just that — potential.
Growth doesn’t happen overnight. But over time, with effort and self-compassion, it becomes who we are becoming.
That’s the gift of a Growth Mindset. It doesn’t ask you to be perfect. It asks you to stay open. To stay in it. To keep becoming.
And perhaps you’re thinking, this is all interesting, but so what? What does it mean for me, in the real world?
It’s a good question. Because this isn’t just about theory. It’s an invitation.
An invitation to pause and reflect on how your own mindset may be shaping the way you experience yourself, your children, your colleagues, your team, and your loved ones.
What possibilities might open if we stopped treating failure as a problem, and started seeing it as part of the process? What if difficulty wasn’t the enemy, but an invitation to grow? What if success wasn’t about perfection, but about persistence?
We can change the trajectory of our lives, and perhaps even more powerfully, the lives we share life with, when we stop celebrating only achievement, and start recognising character: curiosity, courage, effort, and the willingness to keep becoming.
Transformation Is Personal. But Never Alone.
But don’t just take my word for it, throughout history and across cultures, we find echoes of this truth. Wisdom traditions, shared philosophies, and cultural teachings have all emphasised the role of community, relationship, and connection in shaping who we become.
The saying, “no man is an island,” rings true here. We are not meant to navigate the challenges of growth and change alone. Desmond Tutu once said, “My humanity is bound up in yours, for we can only be human together.” That wisdom reminds us that it is in relationship, in shared space, that our deepest growth occurs.
As I reflect on this, I’m reminded of the African philosophy of Ubuntu, which speaks to our shared humanity. Ubuntu can be translated as, “I am because we are.” It recognises that our growth, identity, and success are deeply tied to the relationships that surround us. Coaching, in many ways, is an active expression of Ubuntu, it’s an intentional space where someone holds you with presence, so you can become more of who you are.
That’s the quiet strength of coaching.
A coaching relationship becomes a place where connection meets personal purpose. We are wired for connection, for witnessing, for shared meaning-making. Coaching is not transactional. It’s relational. It’s built on trust, curiosity, and compassion. And in that space, something profoundly human happens, people begin to feel truly seen.
For many adults, spaces of honest reflection and non-judgmental support are rare. In our day-to-day lives, we often don’t feel seen. And when we don’t feel seen, we tend to shrink or strive. Coaching offers what life often doesn’t, a moment to be fully seen, without needing to perform or prove. A space where you can arrive exactly as you are and grow from there.
It’s liberating to feel safe enough to bring your struggles and know that you will not be seen or perceived as broken, but instead, as human. Even the strongest among us need spaces where we can exhale, reflect, and realign.
I’ve come to believe that one of the greatest gifts a person can receive is the experience of being deeply seen. Not for what they do, but for who they are becoming.
That’s the heart of coaching.
It’s not a luxury, it’s a necessity. And it’s a partnership in becoming.
Coaching Is Not a Fix — It’s an Investment
Over the years, I’ve come to see coaching not only as a response to something gone wrong, but as one of the most proactive and empowering investments a person can make, especially for individuals in the early stages of their career.
Early-career professionals often have the luxury of time and financial means to invest in themselves. What they may lack is the awareness of just how valuable coaching can be. They’re navigating identity, values, ambition, and self-worth, often all at once. Yet many wait until they’re far along in their careers, hitting a crossroad or challenge, to access the very thing that could have empowered them to navigate that journey with much greater ease.
At this stage, many young professionals actively seek out mentors, and rightly so. Mentorship is incredibly valuable, offering the opportunity to receive wisdom, perspective, and guidance from someone who has walked the path ahead. But coaching is something different. Where mentoring focuses on transferring knowledge and insight from someone else, coaching focuses on drawing insight from within. It’s about unlocking your own passion, potential, and unique path forward.
Coaching is especially powerful in navigating the real inner tensions that early-career professionals face. Many struggle with imposter syndrome, questioning whether they truly belong. Others are perceived as arrogant, simply because they carry confidence that isn’t yet refined by experience. These aren’t signs of brokenness, they’re signs of humanness, natural developmental dynamics that deserve attention and reflection.
This is exactly where coaching is powerful. It creates a safe space to explore these tensions without shame or judgment, a place to name the doubts, acknowledge the discomfort, and find your own answers to deeply personal experiences. You don’t have to struggle through them alone. You can grow through them with clarity, strength, and intention.
In just a few coaching sessions, I’ve seen young professionals gain clarity that might otherwise take years to reach. Not because someone gave them the answers, but because they were given the space to ask better questions. Coaching is not about fixing what is broken. It’s about unlocking what is ready to grow.
If you’re looking to partner with a coach or to equip yourself to become one, I’d love to support you. Visit https://www.landmanconsulting.co.za/#coaching to learn more about how my coaching and training offerings can support your journey.
From Helping to Empowering: A Parent’s Role in Their Child’s Career Journey
But when it comes to our children’s career decisions — their subject choices, studies, and first steps into the world of work — this instinct to hover, guide, or control may do more harm than good. We’re trying to help, but in doing so, we may unintentionally hijack a crucial part of their growth.
Let’s be honest: the world they are stepping into is vastly different from the one we prepared for. The decision-making frameworks that guided us often failed even then — and are now largely irrelevant. And while it’s true that our children may be young, distracted, or influenced by teachers, friends, or pressure to fit in, that’s not a reason to make decisions for them.
Yes, these decisions are daunting. But that’s exactly why they’re powerful opportunities for growth — for discovering who they are and developing the self-awareness and confidence they’ll need not just for this decision, but for every future career pivot they’ll make in a rapidly changing world.
I don’t pretend to know what their futures hold. That’s precisely why I refuse to prescribe a path. Instead, I choose to walk alongside them — as a parent, a guide, and a sounding board — sharing what I know, offering what I can, and trusting them to grow into the responsibility of deciding for themselves.
Of course, knowing all of this conceptually is one thing. But consistently showing up in this way — with intention, self-awareness, and restraint — is something else entirely. Empowering ourselves to become empowering parents often requires us to unlearn familiar ways of being and re-learn new ones. And that can be uncomfortable, even confronting.
As a career guidance practitioner, I have the privilege of seeing the bigger picture. I get to witness both the unintentional missteps parents make and the powerful moments where parental support truly hits the mark. These experiences offer rich learning — not just for our clients, but for us, too. I often think about how valuable it would be if more parents had access to these insights: not just from their own families, but from the broader view we see across households, schools, and developmental journeys.
That’s why we at Career Thinking have decided to invest in our fellow parents by opening up the conversation. We want to share what we’ve come to know — the common questions we hear, the missteps we frequently observe, and the inspiring examples of parents who navigate this space with intention and grace.
To begin this journey, we’re excited to introduce our first workshop in the series. Instead of diving immediately into age-specific topics, we’ll start where the real shift begins — by focusing on the core things we wish every parent knew about their role in their child’s career development. This session will explore the mindset changes we believe are foundational, drawing directly from what we see every day in our work. Click HERE to register for in-person attendance or to receive the recording.
From there, we’ll invite you to share the questions and challenges you’re currently facing. Your input will help shape the more focused sessions to follow — whether you’re supporting a Grade 9 subject decision, a Grade 12 school-leaver, or a young adult transitioning into the workforce.
Together, we hope to create an informed, empowered community of parents who are equipped to show up in the ways their children need most.
The Untapped Power of School Leadership Culture
Over two decades, I’ve partnered with leaders across corporate and non-profit sectors — from individual coaching to comprehensive culture transformations involving surveys, focus groups, and facilitated interventions. Consistently, I’ve witnessed how investing in a team’s development, unity, and character yields remarkable returns — not only in performance metrics but also in wellbeing and fulfilment.
And yet, for years, I failed to recognise this principle’s application to schools.
Our attention naturally gravitates toward students, curriculum, and systems. While these elements are undeniably important, I’ve come to see how frequently we overlook those who sustain the entire enterprise — teachers, support staff, and school leadership teams. This insight — catalysed by ShareTree’s (https://sharetree.org/sharetree-app/) mission to enhance school environments through character development — transformed my perspective. Since then, I’ve had the honour of partnering with several schools to support their leadership and teaching teams, most recently with two institutions in Cape Town’s Southern Suburbs.
What struck me in working with them:
· Teachers are so conditioned to prioritise children’s needs that they often neglect their own.
· They navigate daily pressures — from limited resources to increasingly demanding stakeholders — with little relief.
· Amidst it all, I encountered more dedication than grievance, more resolve than resentment, and an unwavering perseverance that keeps them showing up — even when they feel isolated and entirely alone.
What they needed most wasn’t fixing — it was simply to be seen. To pause, reflect, and reconnect with themselves and each other.
Through deliberate, meaningful interactions — character acknowledgements, compassionate listening, quiet solidarity in shared spaces — something remarkable began to emerge. A sense of collective resilience. Team cohesion. And perhaps most significantly, a rediscovery of purpose and professional pride.
Partnering with schools in this capacity has become one of the most rewarding aspects of my work. I consider it a profound privilege to be welcomed into these environments and entrusted to support the teachers and leaders who are shaping our future. Each engagement leaves me inspired — by their courage, their resilience, and their unwavering commitment.
Reflections from my panel discussion with Cori Human Capital Solutions
I reflected on the wonderful experience for a few days, and the more I think about it, the more touched I am by the profound conversations, and deeply meaningful connections I experienced between us. From exploring the challenges women face in balancing professional and personal lives to challenging the narratives around work-life integration, we were able to inspire one another and leave with new insights and renewed energy.
The most powerful feeling of all was the sense of connectedness and belonging we all felt, rooted in the shared experiences of womanhood. Despite being dialled in from different parts of our beautiful continent, we found a common ground in our womanhood that transcended distance and technology.
Looking forward to continuing these important conversations and driving change together.